Dealing with people: the greatest challenge

Even in highly technical fields such as software engineering, the majority of success hinges not just on technical know-how, but on the mastery of human interaction. Surprisingly, technical knowledge accounts for only about 15% of one’s success, whereas human engineering — encompassing personality and people skills — is responsible for the remaining 85%. The following will delve into fundamental techniques for becoming likable and influential without giving rise to resentment.

Refraining from criticism

Echoing Dale Carnegie’s words, “If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive,” we understand that criticism can be harmful. It wounds a person’s precious pride, injures their sense of importance, and arouses resentment. By telling someone they are wrong, you’re attacking their intelligence and self-respect, which usually leads to defensive justifications rather than a change of heart. Even notorious figures like Al Capone, known as one of the most infamous gang leaders in Chicago, never saw themselves as guilty. This human tendency to shift blame can be counteracted with tactfulness, as demonstrated by steel magnate Charles Schwab, who encouraged his “lazy” night shift by simply noting on the floor the tonnage produced by the day shift. This act of non-criticism motivated the night shift to outperform their predecessors, fostering a healthy competitive spirit.

Admitting fault

Confrontation rarely yields desired outcomes, but concession can lead to obtaining more than what’s anticipated. It’s easier to discuss personal shortcomings when the person initiating the conversation acknowledges their own imperfections. Rapid and decisive admission of mistakes not only fosters trust and respect but also aids in resolving the issues created by the mistake. Benjamin Franklin realized that conceding, “I am certainly mistaken” and “I am wrong quite often” led to more affable and productive discussions. This approach made him a better conversationalist and a more influential figure.

Being genuinely interested

People crave recognition and importance. Displaying true interest and becoming an engaged listener exceeds the value of pointing out faults. Letting the other person speak more and refraining from interrupting will make them feel valued and significant. Actions such as smiling and remembering names also contribute to this. Theodore Roosevelt, a former U.S. President, adeptly made others feel special by researching their interests in advance and discussing them during their interactions, forging strong personal connections.

Considering others needs

The secret to success may lie in the ability to understand another’s perspective and consider their desires. Persuasion is rooted in aligning with what the other person wants, not manipulating them against their interests. Salespeople who demonstrate how their product or service solves a problem for the customer can make sales effortlessly because they have aligned with the customer’s needs.

Avoiding Arguments

Arguments typically intensify disagreements and solidify each party’s stance. Winning an argument may seem like a victory, but it is often a hollow one as it doesn’t earn the opponent’s goodwill. The goal should be to avoid arguments, respect differences in opinion, and question our viewpoint with honesty.

Giving Suggestions, not orders

Nobody likes to be ordered around. Instead, posing questions can make directives more palatable and can also spark creativity. People are more likely to accept an instruction with enthusiasm if they have had a hand in the decision-making process. The art lies in guiding others to conclusions while making them feel that the ideas were their own.

Preserving the other’s prestige

Even when correct, causing someone to lose face is detrimental. To truly effect change in behavior or attitude, assign a good reputation to the person concerned to motivate them to maintain it. Acknowledging that mistakes are easily correctable and fostering a positive reputation can inspire people to live up to that favorable impression.

If you want to go deeper into this topic, you can read the book on which this post was based: “How to Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnagie.